16th May2019

‘Ring of Honor’ Wrestling Review (May 12th 2019)

by Nathan Favel


Welcome to this week’s Ring Of Honor review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Bandido in the main event against Shane Taylor. Isn’t it nice when I don’t tell any jokes? Well, it isn’t for me. Why did the chicken cross the road? …to go watch Ring Of Honor! Yeah, my writers quit, so I’m stuck with Reading Rainbow humor.

Match #1: The Bouncers (Beer City Bruiser and Brawler Milonas) defeated Coast 2 Coast (LSG and Shaheem Ali) and Shinobi Shadow Squad (Cheeseburger, Eli Isom and Ryan Nova) in a Triple Threat match

The following is courtesy of rohwrestling.com:

Nova got off to a fast start against LSG, but The Bouncers eventually used their significant weight advantage to take control. Coast 2 Coast got on a roll, as Ali took out his four opponents with a dive to the floor. In the end, The Bouncers prevailed after Milonas hit a legdrop off the middle tope onto Nova, was stretched across Brawler’s knee.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This had, what they currently call, content. Yeah, it already feels like a Netflix reference. You don’t have to worry about any streaming jokes though, because the Reading Rainbow writers I hired to punch up my jokes all died about thirty years ago (and were about a hundred years too late to do so), so Netflix isn’t something they really get. Hell, they thought streaming was just salmon fishing. Any-way, this match had action, but not necessarily the most exciting action out there. It all felt like a fun mess, but a mess nonetheless. Nonetheless, we’ve still got to paint our wagon wheel! Are you kidding me? A wagon wheel gag? Hey, we don’t a delete/backspace button here! Our budget is Now I’m stuck with a Paint Your Wagon reference that has been out of date for about a thousand years before the movie could even debut in the sixties! Okay, this match is at least officially better than the review that comes with it.

Match #2: Josh Woods defeated Flex Simmons

The following is courtesy of rohwrestling.com:

Woods, the 2017 Top Prospect Tournament winner, returned to ROH after a six-month absence. He speared Simmons immediately after the opening bell. Then he tossed Simmons around a few times and pinned him. Time of the fall: 36 seconds.

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – This was just a few moves, but Woods did them well.

Match #3: Bandido defeated Shane Taylor

The following is courtesy of rohwrestling.com:

This match was recorded prior to Taylor winning the ROH World Television Title in a Four Corner Survival Match during the War of the Worlds tour last week. As usual, Bandido extended his hand for the Code of Honor, and as usual, Taylor spit on his opponent’s hand rather than shake it. Despite Taylor weighing nearly twice his size, Bandido took the early advantage, hitting two successive dives on Taylor on the floor. Bandido went for a move off the middle rope, but Taylor nailed him with a big right hand to the face and scored a two count. Taylor also scored near falls after a knee strike, a ripcord cutter and a draping cutter. The resilient Bandido rallied, hitting the GTS followed by 21 Plex to score a hard-fought victory.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was a good match that gave Bandido a nice chunk of time to show how good he is. I like Taylor, but Bandido was the big deal here. Bandido, why not burrito? What kind of a joke is that? What if he sues you morons? I’m writing down what I’m saying to you because you’re gonna get my ass sued by some-body who kick my ass quicker than I could cover it. No more cheap, possibly offensive, gags that could get my ass in to trouble! Any-way, there were times when the moves felt like they were happening to each other rather than merging together into a cohesive match, but they were always interesting. This match was interesting as my stock portfolio in 1929! What kind of a joke is that? Who in the hell that wasn’t a flapper girl would get that one? Okay, as for the ultimate worth of the match, I can tell you this does come into being some-thing a bit more thrilling than just a few moves. That being said, this didn’t feel like a main event. The wrestling just wasn’t enough to warrant it getting the placement on the card that it received. Overall, this match wa…the bee’s knees kiddo! What do you call a cat with no legs? …a cripple! Alright, that’s just stupid. I told you morons to stop putting $#!@ jokes in the review! …a cripple! I can’t erase that. No budget! No, I can’t shake it clean like an etch-a-sketch! Let go of the damn thing you twit! GSGSGSKSJJDFDGKF. Okay, I got the computer back. Overall, this was a good effort that lost its way every so often, kinda like my staff writers and their lousy taste in comedy.

News Of The Night:

  1. Kenny King is doing a campy injury angle where he pretends to be blaind, thanks to The Great Muta spitting mist in his eyes at the G1 Super-Card.
  2. Kenny King is feuding with Jay lethal.
  3. The Soldiers of Savagery attacked the LifeBlood faction after Bully Ray had already tried to do the same.
  4. Josh Woods seems to be in line for a push, with a catch-phrase of “Down To Fight” as his motto.
  5. Two title matches occur next week:
    • Villain Enterprises (“The Villain” Marty Scurll, PCO and Brody King) vs. Jay Lethal, Jeff Cobb and RUSH – ROH World Six-Man Tag Team Title Match
    • Matt Taven vs. Flip Gordon – ROH World Title Match

Final Verdict: 3/5

This was a solid way to build toward the 400th episode, which happens next week.

One Response to “‘Ring of Honor’ Wrestling Review (May 12th 2019)”

  • Nathan Favel

    Also, the “comedy” writers kept changing what I wrote a I went on, so I’ve got more grammar problems than usual. Well, that’s probably because I don’t go back and proof-read as much as I should. Yeah, I’ll just go back and look at it more. Any-way, I hired Alf to write my jokes now, so they should be better.