11th Mar2019

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (March 7th 2019)

by Nathan Favel

impact-wrestling-header

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and James Cameron is coming to get ya’! Also, we have a match or two while we wait for Captain Terminator to get here, so let’s take a moment to talk about wrestling…Impact Wrestling. That sounded like $#!@.

Match #1: Rich Swann def. Ethan Page

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Swann hits a Hurricanrana in the early going. Page turns it around with a reverse suplex. Page hits multiple forearms to the lower back of Swann. Swann fights back with a rolling DDT to gain momentum! Swann flies to the floor with a corkscrew, followed by a frog splash in the ring for a near fall! Swann connects with the Handspring Cutter. Swann hits the Phoenix Splash to put Page away.

My Take: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a good match that needed a bit more life to it to look alive, but they did try to make some-thing great out of this. Swann was the highlight of the match, thanks to his thrilling technique. Page is a good wrestler, but he reminds of one of those average hunks of mass that would wrestle solid matches in the WWE eight or so years ago, at least. This did not disappoint on account of a lack of trying, but it did disappoint, nonetheless.

Match #2: Ace Austin def. Jake Atlas

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

This is Ace Austin’s IMPACT Wrestling debut! Austin attempts a springboard but Atlas avoids it and hits a big kick for an early near fall. Austin successfully hits a springboard kick for a near fall of his own. Austin connects with a running blockbuster called The Fold to score the victory!

My Take: 3 out of 5 – This was a great demo reel for both of these guys and I think both of these guys ought to be getting paired together in the future. This whole thing was as fast as lightning and as thrilling as thunder. Ace should be a great addition to Impact and Atlas should get to stick around as well.

Match #3: Rosemary, Kiera Hogan & Jordynne Grace def. Su Yung, Allie & Undead Maid of Honour w/ James Mitchell – The Dark War

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

If Rosemary’s team wins, James Mitchell must return Allie to her! If Su Yung’s team wins, Rosemary must join James Mitchell’s Dark Army! Kiera hits Su with a series of running strikes in the corner. Rosemary and Allie square off but Allie tags in the Undead Maid of Honour before they can exchange. Rosemary locks in the Upside Down on the Undead Maid of Honour. Grace hits Allie with a big German suplex! The Undead Maid of Honour distracts Kiera from ringside, allowing Allie to gain control with a cutter! Su accidentally hits Allie with a palm strike, allowing Rosemary to follow up with a reverse DDT. Su hits Kiera with the Panic Switch! Allie takes out Grace with a Codebreaker! Su hits the Undead Maid of Honor with the mist but she was aiming for Rosemary! Rosemary spears the Undead Maid of Honour to pick up the win! Allie must now return to Rosemary!

My Take: 3 out of 5 – This was a solid match that worked for what it was and had some smart wrestling enough times to keep this thing from getting out of hand. Buggy Nova was the Undead Maid, so that part of the match worked out. The wrestling holds were the standard sort of thing. Actually, this Dark War was just in name only, as it was just traditional tag wrestling. I think the idea was to establish that both James and Rosemary want to do sexual stuff with Allie, because everybody wearing make-up kept giving Allie these long looks that suggested that they wanted to !@#$ her to death. So much for International Women’s Day. Overall, this was a simple match that was advertised as being weird.

Match #4: (Main Event) – Lucha Bros (Pentagon Jr & Fenix) def. The Rascalz (Dez & Wentz)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Lucha Bros hit a Codebreaker into double foot stomp on Dez for an early near fall. Wentz hits a handspring knee on Fenix! Wentz lifts Dez over the ringpost as he crashes into Pentagon and Fenix on the floor. Dez connects with a top rope corkscrew on Pentagon but Fenix flies through the air to break it up! Pentagon hits Wentz with the Pentagon Driver as Fenix holds off Dez, allowing the Lucha Bros to score the victory!

My Take: 3.5 out of 5 – As short as this was, it was a real barn-burner that felt like it was firing on all cylinders. Does that last sentence work? Should I be a cam girl? It’s amazing to see just how consistent the Lucha Bros. are, especially since they are wrestling in so many leagues at once. The Rascalz are quickly getting the momentum necessary to be considered reliable in the big matches, which you might notice when you watch this match. Overall, expect the bout to be far too fun for its own good and more ambitious than what the bookers probably had in mind.

News Of The Night:

  1. Scarlett Bordeaux was insulted by Disco Inferno (after his night of being attacked by Killer Kross) and challenged him to a match for Against All Odds.
  2. Rich Swann refused oVe by attacking the trio, including its leader, Sami Callihan.
  3. Konnan demanded that the Lucha Bros. grant LAX a tag team title shot.
  4. Johnny Mundo is doing an injury angle.
  5. Rolando Melendez, the new interviewer, is becoming a big asset to Impact.
  6. Reno Scum will fight Fallah Bahh and KM, soon enough.
  7. Alisha Edwards was contemplating retirement.
  8. Eli Drake and Eddie Edwards will fight the Desi Hit Squad, thanks to the latter team insulting Alisha Edwards during her “retirement” speech.
  9. Buggy Nova wrestled as “The Undead Maid Of Honor”.
  10. Allie now belongs to Rosemary.
  11. Tessa Blanchard will fight Jordynne Grace with the winner challenging Taya Valkyrie for the Knockouts Championship at Against All Odds.

Final Verdict: 3/5

This was good because the wrestling was fine and the big, lingering ideas actually got interesting.

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