14th Feb2019

Pass Horror Notes: ‘Crossbreed’ Review

by Aaron Shakespeare

pass-horror-notes

CROSSBREED

Stars: Vivica A. Fox, Daniel Baldwin, Stink Fisher, Devanny Pinn, Vernon Wells, Antoine Lanier, John T. Woods, Jason McNeil, Mu-Shaka Benson, Brandyn T. Williams, Jason John Beebe, Olivia Baseman, Tom DiNardo, Serena Lorien, Amanda Mikhail | Written by Brandon Slagle, Robert Thompson | Directed by Brandon Slagle

Name: Crossbreed
Age: 2019
Appearance: Low budget sci-fi/horror bang-bang film about a group of oversized ex-soldiers on a mission to retrieve an alien cargo from a group of eeeeeevil mercenaries. It’s a film where men are men; they have big guns, and all the usual cliches apply.

Don't cross the Crossbreed.

Don’t cross the Crossbreed.

So, what am I watching here?

It’s a homage to every sci-fi/horror bang-bang film from the 80’s and 90’s and references everything from Predator, Robocop to Split Second and Timecop. Soldier-turned-bar owner “Boss” Ryker, (played by the humorously named Stink Fisher) is sent on one last mission to pull together a squad of space marines and retrieve a stolen alien from some baddies with dodgy accents. There are guns, punch-ups and so much testosterone that you might get chest hair just by watching it.

I’ve got enough hair, thanks!

Manly manliness abounds. All the soldiers strut about as if they have coat hangers up their backs. They bellow their lines and have tough code names such as Degenerate, Four-eyes and Slaughterhouse. It’s all very ‘grrrr’.

I’d best get my shaver ready.

There’s nothing in this film that you’ve not seen a hundred billion times before. There’s the naked prostitute robot, someone says “this is a simple mission”. Ryker is the gruff responsible leader, Degenerate is the kerrrrrazzzy marine, the untrustworthy government agent, the noble sacrifice, and lines ranging from “I trust him with my life” to “We’re sitting ducks here!” There’s also some really odd dialogue that seems to have been written to fill the quiet moments such as a discussion about eating steak where Ryker rolls his eyes in a “oh, you guys” sort of way.

I like the sound of it. Action is my middle name after all.

Well, Action, you’ll be very happy with this. You get a space battle, big guns, little guns, explosions, and Daniel Baldwin (my favourite Baldwin brother!) turns up as Defence Secretary Weathers.

Baldwin, guns, aliens and explosions. Sign me up!

Crossbreed doesn’t have an original bone in its body; the CGI is a bit rough at times and the fight scenes look a little clumsy. Punches seem to happen off camera and it’s like watching a bunch of oversized children wrestling. However, the alien is well realised, reminiscent of Sil from Species, and adds to what is a fun bit of camp.
______

Do Say: Guns! Action! Aliens!
Don’t say: A damp squib.

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