26th Nov2018

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Nov 22nd 2018)

by Nathan Favel

impact-wrestling-header

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have a one match show built around a turkey suit. Yeah, you’ll gobble it up. No, I don’t have a #@!%&!? pun for Thanksgiving (American Thanksgiving), so the gobble thing stands as a real sentence. I could’ve been Tiffany Haddish in Girls Trip. Okay, let’s wrestle, Kessle.

Match #1: (Main Event) Team Fallah (Fallah Bahh, KM, Kikutaro, Dezmond Xavier & Alisha) vs. Team Drake (Eli Drake, Jake Crist, Rohit Raju, Glenn Gilbertti & Katarina) – 2nd Annual Eli Drake Gravy Train Turkey Trot

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Gama Singh gets in the ring and Rohit attacks Fallah off the distraction. Fallah hits a double crossbody on Gilbertti and Drake. Fallah takes out everyone with a huge centipede Boston crab! Scarlett Bordeaux comes out to ringside to continue her talent search. Xavier connects with the X19 to Jake! He is looking to fly to the outside when Gama hooks his leg! Gama swings at Xavier but he ducks, causing him to hit Raj instead! This time, Xavier flies successfully as he hits a handspring dive to take out everyone! Fallah Bahh launches himself off the apron into a pool of competitors on the outside! Alisha plants Katarina to the mat with some unique offence! Team Fallah and even the referee take turns steamrolling over Gilbertti. Fallah squashes Gilbertti to score the pin and win!

My Take: 2.5 out of 5 – This was standard fare for a tag match and the action was what was necessary, with a bit of flair in spots. I can’t tell you that there was any-thing that would make you want to come back next week, despite having a few unique names in here, including Disco Inferno (Glenn Gilbertti) and Kikutaro. This was the kind of match that Jim Cornette would probably call bull-$#!?. All of the moves were just fine, but when you consider that the goal was to get one person in a turkey suit, which is about as humiliating as getting your head shaved (promoters still think it’s a punishment to save money on shampoo), it’s hard to justify people putting their lives on the line for some-thing so stupid. Screw it…at least they got paid to do this…I hope.

News Of The Night:

  1. There will be an Ultimate X Match at Homecoming to decide who will be the next X-Division Champion.
  2. Glenn Gilbertti had to wear the turkey suit and Scarlett Bordeaux thought he was a loser. So much for Glenn getting a chance renew his career as PCO did this year.
  3. Scarlett Bordeaux gave Impact its own version of World Championship Wrestling’s Nitro Girls, called the Sexxy Dancers. Why? I guess to give Don Callis one hell of an erection. Keep in mind that I do think Scarlett is attractive, but having her take up a quarter of the show to be alluring and sultry is not going to bring in new viewers, so it needs to go. If Don’s plan is to turn Impact into the literal version of TNA that only the snarky and fatigued ever jested about, then he’s getting there, one raw dog at a time.

Final Verdict: 2/5

Well, nobody died. Why can’t wrestling leagues take the holiday shows seriously? I get taping them so folks can get home and be with their families, but why not tape some-thing worth watching? Impact was on at 10pm where I was and there’s no reason to think that any-one that watched it at that time of night couldn’t get into watching a solid card, rather than Scarlett’s T—Show with a side of gravy.

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