17th Sep2018

‘Apocalypse Rising’ DVD Review

by Phil Wheat

Stars: Hunter Alexes Parker, Shane Samples, Justin Lebrun, Johanna Rae, Victoria Steadman, James R. Frey, Kelly Brown, Shiah Luna, David Namminga, Katelyn Levario, Dennis Marin, John R Mangus | Written by Gregory P. Wolk | Directed by Richard Lowry

apocalypse-rising-poster

Apocalypse Rising tells that story of Mia, an extrasensory teenage girl living on the planet Rathe. A planet which has the technology of today, with the dress sense of the Roman Empire. It’s also a world besieged by the undead, who have taken over the planet forcing Mia and a handful of survivors to flee Rathe in a cock-shaped spaceship after a violent last stand takes Mia’s father’s life and leaves Rathe at the mercy of zombie hordes. Landing on Earth, Mia’s powers reveal to her that the zombie uprising is about to start again.

OK… So that’s the film’s plot in a nutshell. But Apocalypse Rising so, SO, much more than that. And by so much more I mean totally bat-shit insane; with plot points and story beats that make no sense. For example, a few moments into the film we get a flashback to the birth of Christ. But this is no ordinary christ, its a ZOMBIE christ, whose followers chow down on Joseph and turn him into a zombie too! Yeah… No idea.

Oh and did I mention that one of the characters is called India Jones and she an archaeologist? And Mia holds telepathic conversations with the rest of her crew, that’s often used as some kind of narration; AND Mia’s dead dad isn’t quite dead – instead he’s a living head, one that can hold conversations and offers guidance on what’s about to happen on Earth. Oh, and this Earth is apparently set in the future; only it looks just like ours, right down to the clothing. And characters break out into sex at the LITERAL drop of a hat, or after stabbing the shit out of someone and getting covered in blood (and that’s a NUN that does that too… weird, just weird), or in the middle of a scientist explaining chromosomes. Said this was weird. It’s almost like watching a porn parody, only without the hardcore inserts!

I have to believe that Apocalypse Rising is either the work of a 12-year old boy or the biggest piss-take known to man; one that somehow managed to get funding, get made, and get a distribution deal. I honestly don’t know if its genius or insanity. I really don’t. Actually, given that there’s a scene in which Mia talks to Jesus, whilst he’s hanging on the cross on Calvary, about the forthcoming zombie apocalypse, I can safely say this is SHEER INSANITY!

On the plus side, despite this films ridiculously camp nature, director Richard Lowry still manages to instill parts of the film with a real sense of dread, only for the script to come along and talk about shagging again! It doesn’t hurt that the zombies, and the rest of the films gory effects, are rendered really rather well – even if there is some reliance on CGI at times. And when you get tired of the films story you get more sex, then we get sex and gore, then sex, gore and zombies, including a sex scene in which the sluttiest character in the movie rides a ginormous zombie cock – the BBFC’s wet dream right there!

And don’t get me started on the films epilogue. WTF doesn’t even cover it… Though, to be fair, given what happens throughout this ludicrous film I actually am intrigued to see Richard Lowry and Gregory Wolk’s next film, President Evil – a remake of Halloween but with Donald Trump taking the place of Michael Myers!

If you want to see most ridiculous (and possibly most blasphemous) film Troma never made, then Apocalypse Rising is the one for you. The film is out now on VOD and DVD from Gravitas Ventures and Giant Meteor Films.

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