20th Aug2018

Pass Horror Notes: ‘Jurassic Dead’ Review

by Aaron Shakespeare

pass-horror-notes

JURASSIC DEAD

Stars: Matt Block, Cooper Elliott, Ben Johnson, Mia Klosterman, Adam Singer, Ruselis Aumeen Perry, Andy Haman, Raquel Pennington, Shale Le Page, Nicole Goeke | Written by Milko Davis, Michele Pacitto | Directed by Milko Davis, Thomas Martwick

Name: Jurassic Dead aka Zombiesaurus aka Z/Rex aka Tri-terrortops (I made that last one up).
Age: Released in 2017.
Appearance: Slightly rambling, overly ambitious cheapo 90s style action horror with a zombie dinosaur. Yes, a *zombie* dinosaur.

Jurrasic Dead. Not written by Michael Crichton.

Jurrasic Dead. Not written by Michael Crichton.

It’s what Michael Crichton would have wanted…

Now, now. After the earth is struck by an EMP (Electromagnetic pulse for those who care) from outer space a group of wooden acting college kids and PlayStation inspired militia types are trapped in a bunker overseen by the nefarious Dr. Wojick Borg and his zombie-dinosaur thingy.

You what?

Yes, there is a lot more plot to it than you would think. It starts with not one, but TWO prologues, some business about shady government types stealing the zombie fluid, and a zombie-cat, all before we get to the meaty bit where everyone gets trapped in a bunker with the Dinodead.

Hey! I got a little jokeyjoke – what do you say to a zombie dinosaur?

I don’t know.

Do-ya-think-he-ate-us! HAHAHA!

That doesn’t even work. Look, the film has moments of entertainment – the bit where Duque (Andy Haman, a mountain of a man) has a fist fight with the Z/Rex is rather amusing, and if toilet humour is your thing there is a scene where the characters visit Dr. Borg’s lavatory that features comedy shitting sounds.

Perhaps we should have a sequel called the Bogs of Dr Borg!

I truly hope not. Jurassic Dead is camp and a bit silly, but I felt the entertainment value should have been much higher considering it’s basically a set of Action Man figures versus an Undead Barney.

What do you call the dinosaur who directed Night of The Living Dead?

Stop it.

TyROMEROsaurus Rex. HAHAHAHA!

You’re being irritating now. One thing I will applaud (which I am literally doing right now), is that directors Milko Davis and Thomas Martwick went for practical effects; although some of the puppetry could have used a bit of work. The Zombiesaurus moves stiffly at times and the CGI effects that supplement the action can be a little woeful. The explosions have about as much impact as someone blowing out a match and the military helicopter at the beginning jerks about with all the motion of paper in the wind.

You could say the CGI was Bronte-“poorus”

I shall treat that one with the contempt it deserves. Overall, the film suffers from having more ambition than the budget allows, and a script that boils down to various characters either giving us exposition or shouting “we’re lost” and “which way now?”

I’ve run out of jokes…

Good! Jurassic Dead is not without its charms, and you may enjoy this on a rainy Sunday afternoon, but with a leaner script and proper characters rather than comedy caricatures, Jurassic Dead could have been a cult classic. I came for a zombie dinosaur but got subplots about conspiracy theories and toilet breaks.
______

Don’t say: What a load of old VelociCRAPtor

Do say: I’m up for a bit of Dead-”lodocus”.

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