17th Aug2018

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (August 16th 2018)

by Phil Wheat

impact-wrestling-header

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling review for this week, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have some excellent wrestling to cover, so let’s not waste any time talking and just finish immediately. Good-night, every-body!

Match #1: Fenix beat Sami Callihan

I can’t believe I just wrote that. Fenix was actually booked to beat Sami. I’m thrilled that someone other than a white guy won a wrestling match for a change. That’s not a knock on any one promotion, but it always seems that just us white folks are booked to win the wrestling matches, even when it’s better for the non-white people to have a crack at glory. That’s right, we’re discussing equal opportunity wrestling. Aren’t you excited?! Screw it… this was a great match that oughta get your blood pumping no matter what color you are. The wrestlers at Impact have been heaping praise to Don Callis and Scott D’Amore for the improved booking and if the matches keep up the quality like this one did, than Impact may finally be back on the right track.

Match #2: Johnny Impact beat Jimmy Jacobs by disqualification

This was a glorified angle, sadly. Kongo Kong just kept attacking Impact and the match was ruled in favor of Impact, who continued to brawl with Jacobs and Kong in an exciting display. I know Jacobs has said that he would be over-whelmed if he wrestled in addition to his production and managing duties for Impact Wrestling, but it would have been nice to have a real match between Impact and Jacobs.

Match #3: Eli Drake beat Joe Hendry

This was a quick match that saw Drake clobber Hendry like he was a snake with legs. I don’t know what the hell I’m implying with the “snake with legs” thing, so let’s just pretend I didn’t say it… because the damn delete button is not in my budget… I owe short Italians a lot of money.

Match #4: Allie beat Su Yung by disqualification

This was a decent match that had the same lame finish as the Johnny Impact/Jimmy Jacobs match from earlier in the card. Tessa Blanchard attacked Allie to cause the match to be thrown out, but got decimated by Yung and Allie for her trouble. Allie clocked Yung after Tessa was repelled and Allie was left to bask in the glow of victory. I did it! I wrote a whole sentence without acting like a prick! Oh, and I ruined it.

Match #5: Main Event – Latin American X-Change (Santana and Ortiz) with Konnan beat The OGz (Homicide and Hernandez) with King – Street Fight Match

The idea here was that these two teams had an actual street fight outside in a display that was a serious version of the Broken Universe matches. The brawl itself was excellent and while it had no wrestling in it, at least it was a visceral sight. People are always talking about how they don’t like the fact that the LAX group has, over the years, glorified the street gangs that pollute America. I’ve always felt that if we’re going to criticize LAX for using the Latino thug motif as a gimmick, then we should be lambasting professional wrestling itself, because it glorifies violence (Hell in a Cell Match, Hardcore Match, First Blood Match, Steel Cage Match, Street Fight Match, ECW, Abdullah The Butcher, Ultimate X Match, Ladder Match and every other thing that has ever happened in professional wrestling). The fact that LAX is given a certain amount of dignity for being a street gang with a career is no different than portraying Kane as a psychopath with a million dollar bank account, Sabu as a sadist, Steve Austin as a borderline sociopath or The Undertaker as a ruthless king of the underworld. Wrestling has always pushed things as far as it could go because the sport can do so safely, due to it being fake, to a certain degree, any-way. This whole turf war angle with two warring factions of Latin gangsters is simply another kind of provocative way to draw a crowd and should not be held accountable for any-thing that any other wrestling league or athlete has not done or will soon do. At the end of the day, this match should be criticized for not happening in the ring, not for happening at all. Latinos deserve to see all of the parts of their culture in wrestling, which is a luxury white people have enjoyed for decades and it’s one we should share with all ethnicities with pride and glee. Also… live from New York it’s Saturday Niiiiiiiiiiight!

News Of The Night:

  1. Brian Cage will defend the X-Division Title in two weeks at the ReDefined event on Pop TV.
  2. Scarlett Bordeaux’s “The Smoke Show” debuted to very little effect. The show was built around a cockamamie blind double date between Scarlett, KM and Fallah Bahh. I don’t really see any-body paying money to see a match based on what this feud is teasing, so why not just have both men try to become contenders for the Impact World Championship instead?
  3. Austin Aries and Killer Kross officially announced their working agreement with Kross acting as Aries protector.
  4. Eddie Edwards brawled with Austin Aries and Killer Kross to continue their feud.
  5. Sami Callihan fights Pentagon Jr. in a Mexican Death Match, next week.

Final Verdict: This was a good Impact card that had its best match at the beginning. I’d like to see a tighter booking regimen for Impact each week, rather than just booking story-lines each week. Eli Drake doesn’t have to wrestle Grado and Joe Hendry every Thursday to be in a feud with them, nor does Eddie Edwards have to brawl with the champion each week to be the contender to the title. Treating Impact like a sporting event, rather than just ECW with a bigger budget, will do more for the company in the long run.

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