15th Feb2017

Monster-Movie Mayhem: ‘Lockjaw’ Review

by Phil Wheat

Stars: DMX, Wes Brown, Louis Herthum, Lauren Fain | Written by Evan Scott | Directed by Amir Valinia

lockjaw-poster

A voodoo curse, thought buried in the mists of time, reignites the fanged horror of the infamous Kulev Serpent – the gargantuan Lockjaw. When his wife is killed in a devastating accident by delinquent holiday-makers, distraught Alan Cade calls upon demonic forces he can barely comprehend to exact his revenge. Once summoned, Alan realises too late that this ancient evil cannot be tamed or reasoned with. It will stop at nothing and no one will be spared. Now the only thing that stands in its way is Army Special Ops veteran and master hunter Nick Kirabo (DMX) who has been waiting for Lockjaw to return.

There are films made that qualify as so bad its good and then theres those that are just bad. Lockjaw falls into the latter. Filled with a cast of unknowns, who frankly should stay unknown given their performance here, Lockjaw is one of SyFy’s many “Monster Movie of the Week” films that have aired in the US, and is most definitely one of the worst of the bunch and if youve seen any of the other movies of this ilk you’ll know that is really saying something!

Theres absolutely nothing in this film that would make it the least bit worthy of watching – and believe me I’ve tried to find a reason! The CGI creature is terrible for a start and despite the many pieces of art released for this film, the monster within is NOT not a giant snake, but rather a Kulev serpent: a half alligator, half snake demon that is, wisely, left off screen for 90% of the movie. As for when it does put in an appearance, just think back to the early days of the Playstation 2, and youll know the quality of the CGI!

Ive already said that the unknowns of the cast should remain unknown, but what about rapper turned actor DMX? Ill admit, I enjoyed his performances in Romeo Must Die, Exit Wounds and Cradle 2 the Grave, but here it’s just a big fat no! In fact his character in Lockjaw is billed as a master hunter in the movie, if by master hunter they actually mean guy who sits around a lot and then buys a rocket launcher then yeah, but otherwise, no, just no.

Perhaps theres some fun to be had with Lockjaw if you turn it into a drinking game? Down a shot when the sexy girlfriend does a striptease and leaves her bra on, another shot when sexy girlfriend has sex and leaves her bra on Come on people! Theres not even a hint of nudity in the movie, and it needs something!! Inept acting, inept CGI, inept plot. Inept, inept, inept. If you see this on the shelves of your local pound store run away, if you see it on the TV, turn it over. Just stay away.

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