Stars: Michael Madsen, Rachel Hunter, Shandi Finnessey, Terri Ivens, Rib Hillis, Angie Savage, Chris De Christopher, Kurt Yaeger, Noah Blake | Written by J. Brad Wilke, Mike MacLean | Directed by Jim Wynorski
When a rogue scientist discovers an immense egg in the dark recesses of a rainforest he thinks hes stumbled across his fame and fortune. But little does he know that it belongs to a terrifying hybrid monster, known only as the Piranhaconda (a moniker only mentioned once in the ENTIRE film and dismissed as a stupid name!). Soon the beast is on the loose, hunting for its unborn child, rampaging through the country and destroying everything in its path in a mass of CGI-enhanced gory-glory.
A killer-creature B-movie from the Roger Corman staple, Piranhaconda is yet another made for Syfy TV movie suprisingly this one comes from director Jim Wynorski, who is well-known in the horror community for successfully mixing T&A and horror. But not this one…
Yes, as this is a made for TV movie the T&A is thrown out of the window and instead we get bikini-clad babes mauled by the titular creature instead of the topless ones we expect from Wynorski. However what we do get – in place of jugs – is jokes, and in-jokes at that. A lot of the cast spew one-liners about how theyll never work in low-budget movies again, and how the producers dont have enough cash to finish the film, the type of situations I’m sure director Wynorski has gone through on numerous occasions himself! Although I can’t give the script too much credit, after all one of movies villains (played by Noah Blake, aka Brett Douglas in the Harry and the Hendersons TV series and rapping-Rhet in Teen Witch) spews the line: Don’t kill them, I want them alive. Just shoot them in the ass. Classy guys, real classy.
Top-billed stars Michael Madsen and Rachel Hunter are, as is typical for these types of films, used as little more than cameos in order to bring in the audience; however the rest of the cast features a number of familiar faces – especially if you’ve watched as many Syfy creature-features as I have, including Dinocroc vs. Supergators Rob Hillis (who, fact fans, was also a designer-come-handyman on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition during the 2007/8 season) and Terri Ivens, who you may remember from Trancers 4 and 5, and who also starred in TV series The Bay alongside her Piranhaconda co-star Hillis. I would normally say that the real star of this movie is the monster, but that would be a disservice to monsters everywhere as this particular low-budget Syfy movie features some of the worst CGI creatures to grace a Syfy channel flick, along with copious amounts of crappy looking CG blood!
Obviously low-budget creature-features like this are usually played tongue-in-cheek, but you have to admire ANY film that opens with its own theme song these days surely that sort of thing went out with the beach movies of the 50s and 60s! In Piranhacondas case, the theme song is performed by The Cheetah Whores (who also appear on the soundtrack to Sharktopus and Wrong Turn 4) who screeching out “Look out, Piranhaconda!” to the beat of a Hawaii Five-O-esque tune
If, like me, you love these sort of cheesy creature-features then you’ll really enjoy Piranhaconda. I just wish we could see an uncensored, true Jim Wynorski-style version. I really miss the boobs!