26th Jul2015

‘Shark Killer’ DVD Review

by Phil Wheat

Stars: Derek Theler, Erica Cerra, Arnold Vosloo, Paul du Toit, Wayne Harrison | Written by Sheldon Wilson, Richard Beattie | Directed by Sheldon Wilson

shark-killer

Good god. Has it come to this? Someone, somewhere decided that they wanted to make a heist movie. But how to sell it to international markets? Why not stick a shark in it! And so, by some massive stretch of the imagination Shark Killer was born. For this review I will be a lazy as the filmmakers… So here’s a cut and paste of the official synopsis:

They’ve always been present, they’ve always been deadly, and this summer they’re back in the water.  When one of nature’s deadliest creatures threaten your town’s tourist-beach-boom-summer, you need one man with a very big knife.  You need Chase Walker. When he’s not got his hands full as a lady killer, Chase Walker is a Shark Killer.  Calm under stress, but a little stressed under water, he knows his sharks – which is why he’s been called upon to track down a particular shark with a bellyful of one rare, intoxicating diamond; and why he has his brother’s lawyer in a wetsuit keeping a close eye on him. With an eye for the ladies and a harpoon gun for the sharks, when the blood starts bubbling and the sea starts churning, you need a Shark Killer.

Let me clarify. When I say the filmmakeras have been lazy I’m talking about trying to cash in on the creature feature market. Obviously with the popularity of Syfy channel monster movies by the likes of Roger Corman and The Asylum, having a HEIST MOVIE feature a shark, even though said shark is NOT a major part of the film, is pure laziness. Its the epitomy of a cheap cash-grab. The producers know that people are buying and watching any old crappy killer shark flick, so to have a shark in theirs means people will be stupid and buy this right? Probably. For me, calling this action/adventure movie Shark Killer is like using a painting of a semi-naked woman hung upside down on a cross, or screenshots from a totally different film, on your VHS cover (lets see who gets those references).

But trying to fool audiences is not this films biggest crime. No, that’s reserved for the rest of the movie! This is the kind of utter tripe that used to be synonymous with Channel Five back in the day. Cheap, cheesy and godawful movies that had never previously seen the light of day, dusted off to fill the schedules of a TV channel that had used all its budget to launch. These days Shark Killer is the kind of movie that turns up on Movies4Men and other low-rent free-to-view cable and satellite channels. Not even a badass Arnold Vosloo, as crime lord Nix, can save this movie. Well he could have. If only his character would have put a bullet in the head of lead character Chase Walker when they first met. That would have ended this film early and saved me the pain of sitting through the rest of the film!

A derivative movie with an annoying central character, Shark Killer is out now on DVD. Avoid. Honestly. Wait for the TV screening if you have to but don’t waste your money on such a mundane movie.

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