28th May2015

‘The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence’ Review

by Mondo Squallido

Stars: Dieter Laser, Laurence R. Harvey, Bree Olsen, Eric Roberts, Robert LaSardo, Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister, Clayton Rohner, Jay Tavare, Michael Flores, Carlos Ramirez, James Darnell, Akihiro Kitamura, Chris Clanton | Written and Directed by Tom Six

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The wait is finally over ladies and gentlemen! One of this years most anticipated horror films is finally here! Yep, Tom Six (I Love Dries) has finally unleashed The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence upon the world. When I watched parts 1 & 2 upon initial release, I was rather underwhelmed, but upon revisiting the films prior to the third and final chapter in the trilogy, I found myself enjoying the films for what they are. I won’t go in to detail because if you’re reading this review, you have already seen them. Needless to say, the films were brutal with an original concept that made Dieter Laser (John Gleuckstadt) amd Laurence R. Harvey (The Editor) household names and horror icons. For the final instalment we see both actors returning to give the fans what they have always wanted. Kinda.

Laser stars as Bill Boss, a psychopathic prison warden. He’s not a very nice chap! When he’s not sexually and verbally assaulting his secretary Daisy, played by porn starlet Bree Olsen (Live Nude Girls), he’s teaching his inmates how to show him respect in the cruelest ways possible. He’s also really, really bad at his job. So much so that he gets a visit from Govenor Hughes, played by Eric Roberts (The Expendables). Hughes isn’t too pleased with the mistreatment of the prisoners, their rioting or the money being wasted at the hands of Boss. With only two weeks to turn things around before potentially being fired, Boss becomes desperate and even more insane. Thankfully, his right hand man Dwight Butler, played by Harvey (The Editor), has a radical idea that could not only potentially save their jobs and the prison, but also change the way the prison system works. His great idea? Create a centipede out of all the prisoners. You see, Butler is a big fan of the films and he feels inspired! They call on Tom Six (played by himself) to get his blessing and begin the ULTIMATE human centipede.

The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence¬†promised us a bigger and better centipede made of 500 people! Did Tom Six deliver in that regard? Yes! Is it as mind-blowingly amazing and macabre as we were hoping? Well, not really. You see, aside from the occasional nasty sequence (all the men out there are going to wince!), the film just doesn’t deliver on gore or nastiness. It feels like a massive step back from the first two films when it should taken it up to the next level. Not only that, but the film was mind numbingly stupid. There are attempts at humour, but it comes across more of an Uwe Boll film when Uwe Boll was at his worst!

The laughs are more unintentional than anything, especially when it comes to Laser. He plays the warden so over the top that it becomes farcical. Every sentence includes way too many swear words, I don’t have a problem with foul language, but damn was this silly. That being said, there are some classic lines and insults that will probably make their way too Youtube. It feels like Tom Six wrote a script for everyone else and just let Laser go freestyle. A lot of the times, you can’t even understand what he is actually saying because he’s so cartoonishly manic. Harvey’s portrayal of the frustrated assistant was a little too pedestrian and unmemorable for me, which is a shame because I thought his portrayal of Martin in The Human Centipede Part 2: Full Sequence was superb and authentic. Aside from his terrible American accent, that can be blamed on the amateurish writing. He didn’t have much to work with and could have been used much more effectively. How can you have two actors like this from both of your earlier entries, each with their own cult following, miss the mark so much?

Overall, The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence is quite frankly an awful way to end a trilogy. With what came before before it, this could have been a memorable piece of modern horror. It was clear there was a bigger budget here with the impressive prison backdrop, there was more scope. However, once again, the potential was never reached. The film looks cheap, with an annoying and overly used orange tint throughout. It felt more like a cheap straight to video indie horror offering that abused the colour correction (we all know those films). Not a very pleasing film to look at at all, for all the wrong reasons of course. What more can I say? Not much. You messed up Tom Six!

The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence is available now through iTunes and various VOD platforms. The film hits UK cinemas on 10th July 2015, courtesy of Monster Pictures.

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