10th Dec2014

‘Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage’ Review

by Nicky Johnson

Stars: Shahin Sean Solimon, Lorna Raver, Said Faraj, Patrick Stewart, Sadie Alexandru, Isaac C. Singleton Jr., Marco Khan, Mariam Vardani, Jon Jon Briones | Written by Shahin Sean Solimon, Evelyn Gabai | Directed by Shahin Sean Solimon

sinbad-hero

Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage follows the story of Sinbad (Shahin Sean Solimon, who also co-wrote, directed, and was executive producer for this atrocity) the Sailor who fell in love with the Sultan’s daughter, Zoreh (Lorna Raver). While Sinbad doing his sailing thing, the Sultan throws a pre-wedding party for Zoreh involving a magician able to summon demons amongst other things. However, more despicable plans are afoot, and the magician aka The Deev (Said Faraj) freezes everyone and takes Zoreh for himself. Only Sinbad can save her.

If I could get away with writing the word ‘awful’ 400 times, I would. This is the only film I’ve ever watched to review that I really battled to not turn off part way through and just wing it. Even then, I was reading up Ryan Holiday’s blog and redditing with this on in the background. Honest to God, there is not a single likeable thing about this pile of baked beans, universally known as the worst thing in the history of the world (or at least it should be).

It’s dull. It’s boring. It’s really badly acted and horribly written. It’s edited so badly that within the first twenty minutes it inexplicably repeats sections of a couple of scenes. There’s no reason given as to why Sinbad is called Smbat by everyone (it’s the Arabic name of the actual historically fictional character I believe, if you care). The monsters look like the effects department watched the old Jason and the Argonauts styled films and said ‘that’s how we want our monsters to look and fight, just a little shinier’ and it looks predictably awful. The CGI in this film looks like the SyFy channel would be embarrassed to show it.

The opening credits looked like a cross between Jason and the Argonauts, Game of Thrones, and Wacky Races. I don’t care about any of the characters, and I am really confused why Patrick Stewart agreed to be the narrative voice for an elderly Arabic character with his so very British accent other than a quick pay cheque and half a day in the studio. IT ACTUALLY ENDS WITH ‘THE END’ SLOWLY BEING WRITTEN ON A GRAINY BACKING. SOMEONE SAT DOWN AND SAID ‘THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA’ AND PEOPLE ACTUALLY LET THEM DO IT.

There is literally nothing good about this film. Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage is worse than any film showing on SyFy or The Horror Channel right now. It’s worse than the Star Wars Christmas Special. I can think of no reason to watch this film and every reason to tell your friends not to watch this!

0/5

Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage is out now on DVD/VOD in the US and hits DVD and Blu-ray here in the UK on December 22nd, courtesy of High Fliers.

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2 Responses to “‘Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage’ Review”

  • Jamie Moore

    Please excuse me being frank,but your reviews is pretty negatory usually, Ive been following you for a while… why not take a break from reviewing. This film was retro, (obviously) very cool, and The End I thought was actually a cute way to write it by them.

    • Hey, thanks for your comment! I’m glad you enjoyed the film, it means it’s doing it’s job somewhere along the line. I just have to call it as I see it, and whilst I was under a heavy chest infection, I watched and reviewed WE ARE THE GIANT and Scott Snyder’s WYTCHES #2 the same night, both of which blew me away in almost every way possible whereas this, well, you’ve read the review. I would recommend the above film and comic though, and also the new season of AMERICAN HORROR STORY and if you like this kind of film and haven’t already, definitely go watch the old JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS and SINBAD films. Super retro, very cheesy, yet good for some. :)